Why battered women stay

Abusers repeatedly go to extremes to prevent the victim from leaving. In fact, leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence. One study found in interviews with men who have killed their wives that either threats of separation by their partner or actual separations were most often the precipitating events that lead to the murder.

A victim's reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with the threats they have used to keep them trapped: the abuser will hurt or kill them, they will hurt or kill the kids, they will win custody of the children, they will harm or kill pets or others, they will ruin their victim financially -- the list goes on.

The victim in violent relationships knows their abuser best and fully knows the extent to which they will go to make sure they have and can maintain control over the victim.

The victim literally may not be able to safely escape or protect those they love. In addition to individual obstacles victims face when escaping violent relationships, society in general presents barriers. These include:. Safety Exit! Why Do Victims Stay? Additional barriers to escaping a violence relationship include by are not limited to: The fear that the abuser's actions will become more violent and may become lethal if the victim attempts to leave. Unsupportive friends and family Knowledge of the difficulties of single parenting and reduced financial circumstances The victim feeling that the relationship is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear.

Other people also feel uncomfortable around violence and withdraw from it. Learned helplessness. The victim has been taught and believes to be powerless, and therefore views the situation from that perspective.

The batterer frequently threatens to take the children away from the victim if the victim leaves, and the victim believes the batterer. The victim believes law enforcement and judicial authorities in some jurisdictions may not take domestic violence seriously, hence the victim believes the batterer is often not punished or removed from the victim.

Often the batterer is violent only with the victim and frequently concludes there is something wrong with the victim. The victim may have no idea that services are available and may feel trapped. The battering takes place during a relatively short period of time. Afterwards the batterer may be quite gentle, apologetic, loving, and may promise never to beat the victim again. Claims by the abuser that he will find his partner no matter where she tries to hide, intimidate many victims.

Given the efforts that some abusive men expend on surveillance of their wives or girlfriends while the relationship is intact, it is not irrational for battered women to be fearful that their partners can keep this type of promise. He also may threaten to kidnap the children or deny her access to them through a custody fight, or he may threaten to harm or kill companion animals.

Many batterers issue one or more of these threats in an effort to coerce the victim not to leave or to come back. Given the behavior of the batterer during the relationship, there is no reason for a battered woman to doubt that he at least will try to make good on these promises. Unfortunately, as crime and hospital statistics attest, and as can be observed in news headlines, some abusive men succeed.

They also may prevent their partners from working or interfere with their employment so that the women lose their jobs. They often actively try to interfere with the maintenance of relationships with family and friends and with the formation of new friendships. To the degree that the abuser is successful, these strategies of social isolation and financial control weaken or remove the social supports on which an IPV victim can rely, making it more difficult to obtain help or plan an escape.

For women with limited financial resources and no social supports, leaving a batterer may mean homelessness for some period of time. Homelessness brings with it the potential for other dangers, including, ironically, an increased risk of assault by acquaintances or strangers. The response of many police departments, courts, medical-emergency personnel, and various other sources of intervention for IPV have improved over the past two decades and can be effective and helpful.

However, many battered women still face prejudice and neglect when they seek legal, social, physical, psychological, and economic aid. When part of the social system that should protect victims fails them, they can come to believe they are alone in their plight and that the task in front of them is too great to accomplish alone especially when it may involve attaining safety from a determined and dangerous person.

Some women, for whom communal living arrangements are foreign, may find a shelter stay intimidating. This fairly comprehensive, though not exhaustive, overview of the concerns and difficulties victims of IPV face when trying to find solutions to their plight is meant to convey how complex this social problem is.

It is important to understand that victims of IPV have many of the same concerns as other people who are considering leaving a relationship. It is also important to realize that the choices battered women make are part of a gradual and rational response to complicated, emotionally charged, and dangerous circumstances.

Instead of asking why battered women stay with their abusers, more important and relevant questions for us all to address include: under what circumstances can IPV victims leave safely?